September 17, 2009
As I browsed the Internet trying to find advice for mothers-of-the groom (since I am about to be one in mere days), I ran across an interesting story, published some time ago, in USA Today.
Craig Wilson wrote about how mothers-of-the-groom are not wearing beige anymore (more like hot pink) and about how they are taking a more active part in wedding planning (as in giving advice). He discussed how the role of mother-of-the groom is changing with regard to wedding do's and don'ts.
Remember the old adage for mothers-of-the-groom: wear tan, sit in the back, and don't ask any questions or offer any answers.
Advice more commonly referred to as "wear beige and keep your mouth shut!"
I get it, however, I am wearing jade green and have never been known to keep my mouth shut.
I could be doomed already.
And what if I am called upon to make a toast or a short speech? I need to practice, so you dear readers, get to be my guinea pigs.
Here, then, is my advice (first rough draft) for my sweet kids, the lovely bride and dashing groom:
· Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
· Hey kids I am so old that I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
· Love is like a mushroom. You never know if it's the real thing until it's too late.
Ok..maybe not that kind of advice. I'll start over:
· Behold the turtle that makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
· If you want a place in the sun, you've got to expect a few blisters.
· Compromise is the art of dividing a cake so that everybody believes that he or she got the biggest piece.
· Swallowing angry words is much easier than having to eat them.
· May you always be the kind of person your dog thinks you are.
Too trite, perhaps? I will begin again.
· For the bride: remember that when he asks if he can change the TV channels, no matter how you answer, it is going to sound like "yes" to him.
· For the groom: If a woman says, "Do it when you get a minute" that really means "It should have been done already and without me telling you."
You know what, on second thought, I think I will just sit in the back and keep my mouth shut.
